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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24550942">i'm the one who's sunk</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/artemis_sighs/pseuds/artemis_sighs'>artemis_sighs</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Just Roll With It (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Unrequited Love, no it is, or is it...., s'aad, smile thru the pain bby im sure it'll go down well</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:22:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,615</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24550942</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/artemis_sighs/pseuds/artemis_sighs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>br'aad confesses.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Oriana/Taxi (Just Roll With It), br'aad/Pain(tm)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>title is a lyric from a will wood and the tapeworms song (skeleton appreciation day in vestal, ny (bones)).<br/>a vent. sorry br'aad lol<br/>follow me on twitter: @veng0l0rs</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Br'aad took a deep breath, squeezing Sylnan's hand as he let go. His eyes were set on a certain Tabaxi, shooting an apologetic look to Velrisa. The pair sat against two trees next to eachother, Vel's knees folded up to her chest as a book sat sprawled open next to her, now forgotten. </p><p>"Hey, Taxi, can I talk to you for a sec?" </p><p>Taxi nodded, taking the hand that Br'aad offered to stand up. "Be back in a sec, Vel." Br'aad nodded at her, then turned and led the other man to a tall willow that overlooked the ocean. The sun glittered on the waves, slowly setting. It bathed the seawater in stunning oranges and pinks. Br'aad sat down and patted the ground next to him. </p><p> He shut his eyes, thinking for a moment. Reopening them, his head turned to Taxi's. "Uh.. Well. I.." He hesitated. What the fuck was he doing? Just get on with it already, a voice in his head demanded. "I really like you, Taxi. Like.. like like. I was.. I don't know." Hoping you reciprocated the feeling and kissed me right here. "I guess I just wanted you to know. Its been building up for a while."  </p><p>Taxi was silent for a moment, his expression melting into a sympathetic frown. "Oh, Br'aad. I'm.. so sorry. I- I still love Oriana." </p><p> Ah. <em>Of course. How fucking dumb are you, Br'aad?</em>  "It's okay! I guess I just wanted you to know. Um, you can go back to Vel." </p><p> "I'm so sorry." </p><p> "It's fine. Really." He offered Taxi a small smile as he gave him one last look and got up to leave. Br'aad turned back to the sea and let the smile fall. </p><p><em>Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid</em>, he repeated in his head. His heart shattered as he replayed the apology, letting tears slide down his face. <em>Of course he still loves Oriana. They never broke up. Why did you think this was a smart idea? </em></p><p>The tears quickly started to overflow, staining his pants with wet tear stains. He didn't care. He couldn't bring himself to. As the sun set deeper into the sea, so did his heart. </p><p>---- </p><p> "Br'aad?" Sylnan shook him slightly. "We're heading back to the tavern."</p><p> ".. I think I'll stay out here for a bit." </p><p> "You okay?" He sat down next to him, his hand on his shoulder. Br'aad plastered on a small smile. </p><p>It didn't fool Sylnan - he knew it wouldn't. The smile dropped as he let his chin rest on his arms again. "I just... I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I even try anymore." </p><p>"Nothing's wrong with you, bud." </p><p> "There must be." He laughed, though there was no humor in it. "Whatever. I'll get over it. Go rest. Please." </p><p> "I'm here for you, you know that. Goodnight, Br'aad. I love you." </p><p> Br'aad mumbled something that resembled 'I love you, too' in response. He heard Sylnan walk back, letting the tears fall again. </p><p>----</p><p>He woke up, his back pressed against a large willow. The half-elf looked around and blinked a few times before standing up and making his way to the tavern. He slept horribly and was in desperate need of breakfast, but he needed to make his prescence known to Sylnan and wash his face. </p><p> "Good morning," he hoarsely said to the innkeeper and carefully made his way up the stairs. <em>Please, don't run into anyone. Don't let them see you like this. </em></p><p>He always had the worst luck. </p><p> "Shit-" he cursed as he stumbled back, gripping the handrail. "I'm so sorry." His eyes lifted from the ground to meet Taxi's. </p><p>"Are you okay?"  Worry was evident on his face. Br'aad blinked, his heart reshattering. </p><p> "I'm fine. I'm sorry." He pushed past Taxi before started crying, opening the door to his and Sylnan's shared room. The room was empty - Sylnan must've left to go get supplies before they left the city again. The door clicked shut behind him and he slid down with his back against the wall. </p><p> "God dammit," he whispered to himself as fresh tears poured down his face. Br'aad desperately tried to dry them with the back of his hand with little success. He gave up, letting himself shake once again as he sobbed silently. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>its been sitting in my notes for a while sorry ajdhac</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>An hour later and Br'aad finally stopped shaking. Gods, was he tired. Br'aad stood up carefully, supporting himself on the door as he took a deep breath.</p><p>"You're Br'aad fucking Vengolor. Some stupid heartbreak isn't enough to strike you down," he muttered to himself. He wiped his face with the back of his hanf, making his way towards the wash basin in the corner. Splashing some water onto his face, he scrubbed and lifted his face to the mirror. Better. He still looked tired, but everyone seemed to lately.</p><p>The door behind him opened and looked in the reflection behind him to see his brother. </p><p>"Good morning," he rasped out. Shit. Whatever. He'd amount it up to a lack of water. </p><p>Sylnan nodded his head in response, falling on his back ontop of a pile of blankets. "Fuck, I hate shopping." He rubbed his face before sitting up. "Y'good?" </p><p>"Fine. Just didn't sleep well." Br'aad dipped his head towards the basin again to avoid giving his brother a faux smile again, scrubbing at the dirt underneath his eyes. "I'm gonna head down to get breakfast." </p><p>"I'll come with. D'ya know if Vel, Taxi, and Mountain ate already?" </p><p>Br'aad flinched at Taxi's name. Sylnan didn't notice. Clearing his throat to remove a bit of the rasp, he thought for a moment. "I ran into Vel and the cat on my way up, so I'm sure they're still there or something." Br'aad hoped they were done. "Not sure about Mountain, haven't seen him in a while." He opened the door and waited for Sylnan to pass through before closing it behind the pair.  </p><p>-- </p><p>Of course, Lady Fate was not so kind to Br'aad. Velrisa, Mountain, and Taxi all sat around a table with a loaf of bread, jam, and bowls of warm oatmeal sitting in front of them. Br'aad cursed to himself. </p><p>"Looks like we found Mountain, hm?" Sylnan looked back at Br'aad and lead him to the table. He had sat down before Br'aad could say anything, leaving him walking a bit faster than he would normally to keep up. </p><p>"Morning," Mountain greeted over the top of his cup. Br'aad just mumbled a 'good morning' back and stared at his hands. He could feel Taxi's pitying gaze for a moment too long, looking up to briefly meet his eyes before looking away again. Velrisa didn't miss the motion, bumping Br'aad slightly to catch his attention. </p><p>"You okay?" she mouthed, her eyebrows knit together with concern. He nodded, rubbing his face and sighing before taking one of the bowls from the middle of the table. </p><p>"Just tired. Didn't sleep very well," he whispered back, not wanting to disrupt the conversation. Velrisa nodded and pat him comfortingly before letting her attention go back to the conversation.</p><p>Well, it wasn't a lie. But it wasn't the whole truth. </p><p>Br'aad found himself deep in his thoughts again, his chin on his folded arms as he stared at the bowl in front of him. He only roused when Sylnan bumped him to tell him he was heading back upstairs; that he was tired and was going to take a nap, and to wake him if Br'aad needed him. His older brother ruffled his hair and slid out of his chair.</p><p>Alone with Taxi, Vel, and Mountain, Br'aad tuned out the conversation and only responded with noncommital hums to whatever he did catch. </p><p>"Br'aad." Mountain's gruff voice caught him off guard. Br'aad noticed his bowl was now cold and untouched. He'd fix that in a mom ent. "Buddy, are you okay?" Br'aad opened his mouth to speak, but Mountain cut him off. "Don't give me that 'I'm just tired' bullshit, either." </p><p>"..I am, though." He moved his hand and mumbled beneath his breath the words for Prestidigitation, warming up the cold oatmeal. He absently lifted the spoon to his mouth, raising his eyes to Mountain's. He didn't even bother plastering a fake smile on or hiding the pure exhaustion in his voice. </p><p>"I'm sure you are, but.. that's not it. What happened? You didn't return last night and I was worried." </p><p> Br'aad smiled absently. "You noticed, huh." </p><p>"We all did. We're all worried. You've been quieter than usual and you didn't make a single joke yet." </p><p>"Maybe my throat just hurts? Maybe I'm just tired. It doesn't matter, Mountain." He shoved another spoonful of food into his mouth, focusing on the oatmeal now. </p><p> "It does. But I won't push you. I'm here for you, whenever you're ready."</p><p>The half-elf nodded, keeping his eyes on his food as he heard Mountain push away from the table and head upstairs. When he left, Br'aad realized he was alone at the table. Of course. Taxi wouldn't want to be left alone with him - he probably didn't want to hurt Br'aad more than he already has. Compassionate like that. <em>Fuck.</em></p><p>He fought back tears again, wiping at his eyes. No. Not here.</p><p>Finishing up the bowl, he dropped a few gold pieces onto the table as he got up and left the tavern. As the morning sun shone down on him, he took a moment to breathe and get his thoughts in order. Looking around, he spotted a row of market stalls, selling food, spell ingredients, spell books, and jewlery. He needed to stock up on ingredients anyways. </p><p>Setting off towards the stalls, he left behind the thought of Taxi and his eyes. </p>
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